


Fractals of a Life

by Neige18



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, F/M, Trauma, Underage - Freeform, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-03-20 15:02:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18994996
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neige18/pseuds/Neige18
Summary: Upon her return from the Soulworld, Natasha can't be happier to be reunited with her family. But she soon realizes that something is seriously amiss. Why are the Bartons acting so shady? Meanwhile, Wanda has gone AWOL, and Natasha starts to piece together the aftermath of her own death for the people she'd left behind.Warning: Lila/Wanda is a thing. There is a reason, as you'll see. If it'll make you uncomfortable, please don't read.





	1. Chapter 1

Laura frowned at the sound of the doorbell, considering ignoring it. She had no energy to paste on a strong smile for the well-intentioned visitor. The weeks following the Resurrection had seen a steady stream of visitors to the Barton farm as everyone pulled together to rebuild their lives with what pieces remained. But the Bartons had stopped seeing anyone since –  

Laura shoved the thought down, banishing it into the furthest recesses of her mind along with Natasha and Tony. Just another casualty. A statistic. There was never an end to this madness called life – no peace no matter how many galaxies you traveled to. Perhaps she’d follow them all to wherever they rested now.

Cacophonous crashing and banging echoed from the kitchen, followed by a few well-placed swears implicating earthly creatures as well as those of other planets.

Laura rolled her eyes. Once, she would’ve been laughing. “Clint, don’t tell me you dropped the saucepan again.” There was more frustration than humor in her voice.

“I plead the Fifth,” Clint grumbled.

The ghost of a smile graced Laura’s lips. For a moment, she allowed herself to pretend that all was normal as she reached for the door. Just greeting a friend, invite them to the little table in the backyard for lunch. Chat and laugh about all the trivial things you always took for granted until they were snatched from you with razor-sharp claws.  

The brief illusion of normalcy shattered like ice fractals as soon as Laura opened the door. The sight sent her reeling back. There stood Natasha, looking as well as the day Laura had last seen her. Same red-blond ombre hair tumbling loose around her shoulders, same cat-green eyes that always seemed to be taking everything in, even as they softened at the sight of Laura.

“Hi, Laura.”

Laura flung herself into Natasha’s arms with enough force to send the Russian stumbling backwards. Natasha chuckled and wrapped her arms around Laura as the latter buried her face in Natasha’s shoulder.

“I know you’re not real. But please stay a little longer. I don’t want to wake up.” Laura’s voice was muffled by Nat’s jacket as she clutched her like a lifeline.

Natasha laughed softly. She pulled back, placing both hands on Laura’s shoulders. “I’m real, Laura. Need me to prove it?”

She leaned forward and pressed their lips together, and Laura melted into the sweet, drawn-out kiss.

“How are you alive? I thought the deal was irreversible,” Laura asked breathlessly.

Before Natasha could answer, Laura heard someone come up behind her. Natasha’s eyes narrowed mischievously. “Hello, Clint. Seen a ghost? Which, I assure you, I am not.”

Laura turned to find Clint standing petrified with his mouth agape, mimicking her own expression of earlier. Before he could ask, Natasha stepped inside and enveloped her partner in a hug. At first, Clint remained frozen. Then his arms came up, slowly but firmly wrapping around Natasha.

“How?” Clint croaked, resting his forehead against Nat’s, just like they had done on that fateful day at the cliff.

“Bruce debriefed me as soon as I got back. Steve was supposed to return the stones and then travel back in five seconds – our time, that is. But he didn’t do it right away. He married his lover and they lived together until she died of old age. Then he – “ Natasha’s voice broke. “When I woke up from the Soulworld, Red Skull told me that Steve had traded his life for mine when he returned the stone.”

Clint exhaled as though he’d been punched in the gut. He knotted his fingers through his hair. “So you came back through? But he didn’t?”

Natasha nodded somberly. “I still can’t come to terms with it. I’ve only just seen him and now I wake up and he’s gone.”

“But at least he lived a full life. He lived the life he’s always wanted,” Laura said softly.

Natasha bowed her head in affirmation.

“But wait.” Clint frowned. “Why did it take you three weeks? You should’ve been back in five seconds.”

Clint hadn’t been there when Bruce and the others had sent Steve through. An emergency had come up and Clint had only gotten a call an hour after the event informing him that Steve hadn’t come through, but since nothing had changed, Bruce was sure the stones had been returned.

“I don’t know. Bruce isn’t even sure. He thinks it has something to do with the order in which Steve did things. He should’ve returned the stones immediately, but he lived an alternate life first. Time travel still isn’t an exact science.”

Clint nodded. The loss of Steve weighed on him, but he was comforted in knowing that his comrade had died an old, fulfilled man. “Come on,” he said to Natasha, leading her by the hand into the living room as Laura followed. “Cooper and Nate are in for one hell of a surprise.”

“Hey, Cooper! Come down. Wait ‘til you see who it is,” Laura called.

Nate, who was playing video games on the couch, had heard nothing of the exchange in the doorway. As soon as he looked up and saw Natasha, he ripped his headphones off, threw down the controller, and rushed across the room to tackle her with as much strength as a seven-year-old could muster.

“They told me you were dead!” he exclaimed as Natasha scooped him into her arms with a wide grin.

“Well, I was. But thanks to a little time travel, I’m back now.”

Nate suddenly glared and poked Nat’s chest with a finger. “If you go and die on us again, I’m not going to your funeral this time. And I’ll never bring flowers to your grave.”

Natasha laughed. “I had a funeral? Well, I’m honored. Nope, looks like you’re stuck with me.”

“Holy...fuck.”

All four of them turned to where Cooper stood midway down the stairs, looking gobsmacked.

“Language,” Clint and Laura cautioned simultaneously.

Natasha put Nate back down and opened her arms as Cooper charged at her.

“Are you sure this isn’t Wanda with her freaky mind-altering powers giving us all a bad trip?” Cooper demanded with an incredulous laugh as he pulled back and drank in the sight of his Auntie Nat, safe and sound.

Everyone laughed. Normal again.

Almost.

Clint recapped for the boys what Natasha had explained. Of course, Nate was too young to understand the specifics, but he knew enough to know that Auntie Nat was back from the dead, which he exclaimed was the ‘coolest thing ever.’

“So you’re a zombie now?”

Natasha laughed again. “Nope. If I were, I doubt any of you could handle the smell.”

She basked in the sight of her family and knew that even if she hadn’t been resurrected, she would’ve done the same thing to give them a chance at life.

But one person was notably absent.

“Where’s Lila?”

Cooper averted his eyes and Laura’s smile vanished.

“Uh, she’s at Grandma’s,” Clint answered, with a reassuring smile that Natasha noticed didn’t reach his eyes. “She’s had a tough time with...you know. After you and Tony. Especially you. We thought a change in atmosphere would be good for her.”

Cooper left the room without a word, slipping back upstairs. Nate, seeming to sense the change in atmosphere, separated from the group, hopping back onto the couch to resume his gaming.

Natasha tilted her head. “Why aren’t Coop and Nate with her?”

“Lila took your loss the hardest,” Laura said quietly, dropping her gaze for a moment. Then she looked back up at Natasha and brightened. The former spy noted that, like Clint, Laura’s smile seemed wooden.

“She’ll be over the moon to have you back. Her grandma is taking her on a road trip to get her away from everything, and she has a strict _no cell phones on vacation except for emergencies_ rule, so you’ll have to wait for her to come back to surprise her.”

Natasha nodded and returned the smile, letting the matter drop. Perhaps she was reading too much into the situation. She’d only just woken up, but she could tell from Laura’s baggy panda eyes and Clint’s unkempt appearance that the Bartons had been dragged through weeks of grief. Natasha felt a pang of guilt for her role in it.

“Nat.” Clint suddenly grasped his partner’s shoulders, staring into her eyes with a fierceness that nearly sent a shiver down her spine. “Don’t you _ever_ do that again. You will _not_ leave us again, you understand?” He gave her a slight shake, a little too roughly, his voice a little too loud.

For a moment, Nat was once again staring at the vigilante she’d met on the streets of Tokyo, half-wild with grief. It was like...like he was _blaming_ her for something – something deeper than the pain of her temporary death.

Natasha pulled back, brow furrowing. “Clint…?”

“Well, come on,” Laura interjected with a tiny bit too much cheer. “Let’s not stand here all day. I don’t know if you already ate before coming here, but Clint made his famous beef stew.”

“The one thing I can make better than you,” Clint stated, following his wife into the kitchen. “Boys, lunchtime!” he called.

Natasha trailed them, her increasing uneasiness gnawing away her appetite.


	2. Chapter 2

 

As Clint and Laura prepared the food, Natasha took a few minutes to roam the familiar house. Time was nonexistent in the Soulworld, but she had been there long enough for everything to feel slightly surreal. She almost expected to blink and find herself back there. It was a truly peaceful place, but it lacked the zest of life. Lacked her family. 

But this was not the same homey space she knew. 

Natasha raised her eyebrows at the clothes strewn across the couch and draped over the backs of chairs, at the junk cluttering every tabletop. Laura had always kept a scrupulous household, despite working part-time. Things must have been awful, Natasha thought, the guilt rising again, for her to let the house go to seed like this. 

“Sorry for the mess,” Laura said as she came back downstairs and began hurriedly picking up. 

“Don’t worry about it. Another word for mess is organized chaos,” Natasha remarked with a smile.

Laura gave a distracted chuckle. “Thanks for being polite.”

Natasha helped carry the refreshments out to the backyard picnic table, despite Laura’s insistence that she needn’t. They made small talk...or what could’ve passed for small talk. Even without her espionage skills, Natasha could’ve seen that their minds were far away. A brooding cloud seemed to hang over them, even little Nate. 

“Not much to tell, really,” Laura commented, sipping her iced tea. “We’ve just been getting by. The kids are doing fine at school. We’ve all been pitching in with the city cleanup.”

With the decimation of half the population, mountains of trash had built up over the years. 

“I bet no one’s happy waking up from oblivion only to discover that they still have school,” Natasha joked, looking at the boys.

Cooper didn’t even glance up from his plate, but Nate rolled his eyes and complained, “I know! It sucks hairy donkey balls.”

Clint nearly snorted his tea and Natasha laughed while Laura asked where he’d learned that. 

“Thomas. Hey, I’m giving you the clean version, so don’t get on my case.” Nate pointed his fork at his parents, daring them to scold him. 

Then the humor faded, and the shadow settled once more over the table. 

“What’s wrong?” Natasha prompted concernedly. 

“Huh?” Clint looked up distractedly, having just cleaned his plate. 

Meanwhile, Natasha noticed that Cooper had barely touched half his food.

“Oh nothing. Sorry, Nat,” Clint said with a forced smile. 

“Okay.” Natasha’s earlier suspicions, which had never fully died down, resurfaced. “Have you heard from Lila? When will she be back?”

“No,” Laura answered flatly. “She...doesn’t want to see us right now. She hasn’t really handled everything.” She nodded as if to reassure herself.

“Okay,” Natasha said slowly, cat eyes narrowing suspiciously. Now she definitely smelled a rat. But before she could inquire further, Clint changed the subject.

“Tony wouldn’t have approved of us talking shop right now,” he commented as Cooper and Nate left the table, the former going back inside and the other giving his father a quick heads-up that he was going down to the barn, “but since we’re getting you caught up, you should know that Wanda went off the grid two weeks ago. Just took off without a word and no one’s been able to reach her since.”

“She never got a chance to mourn for Vision. Do you think that’s what she’s doing now, just taking some time for herself?” Natasha suggested, even as she doubted it. But since she and Wanda had never been close and she wasn’t familiar with the redhead’s coping mechanisms, it could’ve been the truth for all she knew.

“It’s not like her to disappear like that. She would’ve told us. We’ve all suffered heavy losses – “Clint looked pointedly at Natasha – “so none of us would’ve begrudged her some time off.”

“ _You_ haven’t taken time off, though,” Laura told him, and there was barb in her words. “You’d think with everything that’s happened, you’d want to spend more time with us, but you’re more buried in your work than ever.”

“Well, what the hell do you want me to do, Laura?” Clint snapped. “Stay here and mope around with you all day? Like that’s gonna help anyone?” He raised his voice, jabbing his fork towards his wife in like how Cooper had done earlier. But there was no hint of humor in the action this time. “That’s your problem. I do all the dirty work while you sit on your ass and complain that I’m not giving you enough attention.”

“Screw you!” Laura spat, and Natasha had never heard so much venom in her tone. “Who’s the one who’s been putting up posters, asking around, nagging the detectives? And it took _you_ all of point two seconds to throw in the towel!”

Laura stormed back inside, slamming the screen door with nearly enough force to send it toppling from the doorframe. Clint stalked off towards the road, swearing under his breath. Natasha took a step to follow, opened her mouth to ask what that was all about, then stopped herself. She knew how Clint was when he got this way. He closed off and there was no forcing him to open up until he was ready. 

Instead she set off toward the barn to find Nate. Perhaps the youngest Barton could shed light on everyone’s bizarre behavior. Children always told the truth if you knew how to speak their language. 

“Fucking hell in a handbasket, I’m done with this shit!” 

Natasha stepped through the open door just in time to see Nate cast down his bow and send it skidding across the floorboards with a swift kick. Natasha’s mouth fell open. She would’ve laughed at the boy’s choice of words had she not been so stunned. True, Nate wasn’t exactly the sweet cherub he seemed in appearance – he’d always been more mischievous and coarser than his parents would’ve preferred, but never had Natasha seen such a display of temper from him. 

“Woah, Nate, easy. That bow wasn’t designed to sustain such force,” Natasha commented, keeping her tone light. 

Nate spun around. “Auntie Nat! Um…” His cheeks colored. 

Natasha flapped a hand. “Happens to the best of us. Better an object than a person. May I come in?”

“Sure,” Nate answered, still looking grumpy. 

Natasha walked over to the discarded bow and picked it up. “When did you start learning archery? Last I knew, you had no interest.” She handed the bow back to Nate.

The boy shrugged half-heartedly. “Few weeks ago. Dad was teaching me but…” His gaze fell. “He’s never in the mood anymore.”

Natasha didn’t directly inquire about the reason in favor of a roundabout approach, broaching the subject she felt, with increasing tension, was at the heart of her family’s concerning behavior. “Then why don’t you ask Lila to give you a hand? Your dad says she has a knack for archery.”

Nate scuffed a muddy sole against the dusty floor. “She can’t,” he mumbled.

Lila’s uncharacteristic absence...the shady way everyone had been acting…Laura’s talk of posters…

“Nate. I need you to tell me the truth. Did something happen to Lila?” Natasha pressed urgently, feeling a thick coil of dread unfurling in her stomach, slowly constricting her.

Nate bit his lip as his chin began to wobble. Quietly, he said, “Lila’s dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hang in there, folks! You shall have your answers!


End file.
